The Quiet Gift Guide, 2023
In this age of information, of novelty and of more, it’s hard to pull away and return to our values. But here we are during one of the busiest seasons of the year, contemplating how we can embrace needing less and step into being more.
After 8 years of gifting quietly to my children, family, and friends, I’m convinced that there is no better way to celebrate the holiday than with the same intention we bring to our every day.
This year’s Quiet Gift Guide returns to the same 3 promises that I made to myself in my first winters of motherhood; The pledges that took the form of a sort of compass, helping me find my true north during the gifting season.
While our children will write lists to Santa, a character that plays a small role at our house, many quieter and more meaningful moments fill our Decembers.
There is a magic in the return to slow gifting traditions that I hope will inspire you and yours.
Promise #1
Take the hours I would spend browsing for gifts, and spend them connecting and making gifts with my little ones instead.
In 2022’s Quiet Gift guide, we explored the complex and delicate dance of gifting; an act that, at its core, aims to re-establish our connection with others. It’s a generosity that we can model in how we invite our children to spend time with us this season.
“Who wants to help make gnocchi for Nana? Yes - she’ll love it if we freeze it in that tin when we bring it to her. Great idea!”
“Let’s go forage for our winter garland. Dad loves it when we make one. He’ll be so surprised to see it when we tell him to come outside and see what we’ve made. Do you remember how Abuela used to love making things with her hands too?…”
“Let’s clean up the living room, make hot chocolate and set up chess in there. Flora said she would love to play tonight. Let’s hurry - we only have an hour until she’s home.”
What if we left the ready-made, factory-made, or plastic-made behind? Would we miss it?
What does the perfect gift look, sound, smell, taste, and feel like to you? What story does it tell?
Promise #2
Create or purchase, and then wrap gifts for friends and family together with my children, imparting stories, values, and lessons along the way.
Is gifting about meeting your needs? Or does it matter how it was prepared and by whom too?
I imagine radical gifting to be an act that combines the intention of re-connection with thoughtful consideration of the item and its origins, making the origin story part of the gift.
Why will we make gnocchi for my mom? (I know you’ll be reading this mama so I won’t share all of our secrets but, now you know one!)
Because she’s always cooking food for us. While the kids take their shopping list to the store that sells the best gluten-free ingredients in Toronto we’ll chat about how their grandparents and other loved ones do the same thing when they prepare meals for us. We’ll gather some of our dried garden herbs and homegrown garlic to butter for an extra special touch, remembering stories of their great-grandparents making salads right from the garden. I’ll tell them of generations past growing the most beautiful food in their gardens to share with their family and friends, and how it lives on through us.
And when we bring it over, we’ll make sure we have time to cook it up so we can serve it to her, sharing our excitement over the process, and love for her.
Do you see how generational wisdom, in the traditions, values, and sense of belonging can be woven into your gifting this season?
Promise #3
Invite our parents, siblings, and friends to share their gifts with our children during the holidays. They all have something valuable to impart, and it will get passed down if they are thoughtful about their gifts and time spent with these little people.
I want to return once again to the letter that I wrote a letter to my family. While I never shared these exact words with them, they brought forward the words I needed to say in the moments it mattered.
Perhaps you’ll share it, make it your own, or sit quietly with it for a while.
Dear family and friends,
I am small. I have not been around for long. I am absorbing everything I see around me.
The way to talk; your facial expressions, words, body language, and tone.
The way to love; your patience, guidance, boundaries, open-heart, generosity
The way to learn; your persistence, resourcefulness, curiosity, and teachability
The way to care; your gentle hands, listening ears, keen observations, and respect for others
The way to take care; your systems, routines, rituals, and thoughtful approach
You have so much to offer me. Help me learn. Don’t distract me from what really matters. Don’t overwhelm me with stuff when I don’t have the skills to take care of it, or distinguish between what is good and bad for me.
Love me by helping me become my best self. Use our time together together to show me what matters. Use our exchanges of words or items as seeds planted in a garden - ones that will mature and nurture me.
The best gifts from you will be the ones that I can bring into my future with me.
Gifting thoughtfully
These 3 promises have provided a guide on how to gift, but how do we thoughtfully choose what to gift?
I look for items that combine as many of the following 4 categories as possible:
If not loved increasingly over time, then consumable
Character building
Deeps their connection to self/place/people
Is good for the earth and us
For children, I often land at functional and consumable gifts like earth-friendly art supplies, cooking/baking ingredients/equipment/recipes, nature observation/collection, science experiment ingredients/instructions, books, notebooks, and experience gifts.
For adults, I often batch-make gifts, whether it be a nursery of baby plants we’ve started from seed, a condiment we made from local or homegrown ingredients, or practical items from shops we want to support, giving us something to chat about in the months to come.
And then of course there are those times when I notice a spark, an ember of budding interest or love, in someone you hold dear that inspires you to get something a bit more substantial. I gift small and light most years, leaving space for the times when that big inspiration hits.
And with that thoughtful love and generosity in mind, Raise in Place friends, I’m sending you my wishes for a magical December and early January, I’ll see you January 14th with some exciting updates for early 2024.
Raise In Place is written by Erika Fraser, founder of the family learning hub Bueno Market where she’s helping good folks raise great kids in programs like The P Word, and with weekly Mindful Mondays emails.
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