Where we all came from

The frequency illusion and its curious effects

When was the last time you experienced the Baader–Meinhof phenomenon, otherwise known as the frequency illusion?

You might have learned a new word and started to hear it everywhere.

Ended your year-long internet search for a backpack that perfectly suited your needs and then started seeing it everywhere. (Ok maybe that was just me, discovering Fjällräven…in 2015.)

Or maybe you found a new favourite plant and started seeing it in gardens or plant shops everywhere.

Does a specific moment come to mind?

Illustration: A woman looks through binoculars.
Image Text: “I’ve become aware of something and now I see it everywhere.”

I was totally and beautifully drawn into an encounter with the frequency illusion recently.

While cleaning up before dinner, my 8 year old Isla asked our Google Home to play "In my mind” by Dynoro and Gigi D'Agostino (We appreciate a WIDE variety of music around here!)

Exactly 16 seconds into the song I plunked myself down on the kitchen floor, eyes closed and smiling, taking a moment to appreciate what I was experiencing.

In my mind, in my head,
This is where we all came from.

The dreams we had, the love we shared,
This is what we're waiting for.

I looked up at Isla, my head cocked to one side, both curious and in awe.

“I think I’m hearing something truly lovely in these lyrics Isla.

There is a deep love we know of…that we all came from.

It’s what we’re all seeking…waiting to return to.

Reunion.

Connection.”

She smiled back at me, nodding her head and hurrying over to curl into my lap, wrapping my arms around her and nuzzling in.

We sat, embracing, on the kitchen floor for a couple of minutes, pondering about the human who wrote those lyrics. Wondering if they, too, often thought of the beautiful cycle of nurturing, healing and connection.

Last week’s post about the nurturing cycle was a strong predictor that I would notice and connect with these song lyrics, and many other welcomed encounters with nurturing this past week.

While the Baader-Meinhof phenomenon is a type of cognitive bias (via the mechanisms of confirmation bias and selective attention), a flaw in our thinking, that can lead us to inaccurate conclusions, I have a confession.

I have grown a little fondness for it.

Not surprisingly, there are others interested in its potential.

UX designers and online advertisers use it to make products appear more widespread than they actually are, piquing curiosity and motivation to purchase. Radiology students use it to reinforce new learning, improving attention and recall.

Do you think it might offer profound contributions to our feelings of connectedness and ability to navigate our relationships with increased kindness and love?

Suspecting it might, these next few weeks I’m going to lean into these moments of frequency illusion when they support our family goals, calling attention to moments of tenderness, sharing, generosity, boundary-holding, and self-care.

At the same time, I’ll need to resist the temptation to be drawn into illusions that do not serve our goals, letting the effects of frustration, carelessness, thoughtlessness, bad-othering and dysregulation float away with little attachment to them.

What will this cultivate? What and who will grow from it?

P.S. Maybe you’d like to take advantage of the frequency illusion this summer. support a little person in your life go from diapers to a potty, consider joining my newly launched program The Diaper Free Summer over at Bueno Market.

Have a friend who would enjoy learning more about naturally going diaper free and joining a group of parents making the leap together this summer? Be a lovely friend and let them know they should be joining us :)

Registration closes July 3rd or until spaces last.