Your personal new year
Do you imagine your birthday as your personal new year?
A time to say thank you for what nourished you, and goodbye to what did not serve you well. An acknowledgment of the previous year’s struggles and clearing for a more aligned you. Perhaps a new chapter, or a new book all together.
Earlier this week was my personal new year - my 36th.
Image: Your personal new year, with Raise In Place author Erika Fraser (Hi there!)
Something felt different this year, setting this birthday apart from years past.
In part due to the unthinkable pain in the world right now for which I have have been hoping for some great wisdom to come forward, bringing it all to a hault. Unanswered hope for the adults to come forward with grace and maturity in the face of reactive and heated action; the 3rd way, as Dr. Shafali shared in heartfelt her IG post this week.
In addition to the immense gratitude I felt for my well earned smile lines, I shut off the news of bombs, the newsletter with style inspiration from one of my favourite small shops, and set my phone aside, giving me space to hear the stories I was telling myself that day - what had year had meant to me? And how was I going to intentionally invite that meaning into my story of self.
I shared these same words (though slightly edited here) in this reel on instagram a couple days ago and wanted to share them with you today too:
Life is full, and exciting these days and it’s oh-so-good to feel this alive.
To think that 2 years ago this body and brain was struggling to remember the steps to tie shoe laces, slurring words, needing days to recover from simple outings, and months into wondering every moment of every day if it would ever feel good to eat again.
Oh how I wish I could go back and give her a hug and tell her it gets better. That the discipline and research pays off.
I’d let her know that she’d get well enough to create again. To move and dance every day. To read stories. To get into deep states of flow. To see friends and feel joyful. To bike and hike and build beautiful things again.
This last year my family lay our much-loved Oča and Mati, my remaining grandparents, to rest. And with that the official passing of many family traditions and stories to us.
I attended the funeral of my dearly loved friend, and trusted mentor, hugging her family and friends and promising to honour her life lived so fiercely with purpose and care.
I learned that grief too, is a form of love. And began the practice of learning how to love in this living-dying world.
And decided that if I was going to build a life that was radically honest and beautiful, I was going to have to face myself in ways I never have before.
I couldn’t end 35 without starting.
I began my permaculture design certificate program.
A signed up for the creative writing course I’be been wanting to take with my brother.
I’m getting Bueno Market one step closer the edu-tech company I’ve been been planing to build it into by adding to our team.
And I’m building a deeper understanding how I got here and not risking it to chance when looking where I want this all to go.
Thank you for sharing this moment with me, once here, and perhaps twice for those of you who left the sweetest notes and birthday wishes for me on IG!
Name of the Wind author Patrick Rothfuss said “It's like everyone tells a story about themselves inside their own head. Always. All the time. That story makes you what you are. We build ourselves out of that story.”
Cheers to life questioned, observed, and shared through our stories.
P.S. As part of the writing class I’m taking, our homework was to write a fantasy bio about our future selves and then share it the next class. Woo-wee, I DID NOT expect to go that deep, in my second class, with a group of strangers - beautiful souls and talented writers to boot! Why do this exercise? To give our brains an opportunity to see the goals ahead of us and to align our actions so that we move towards those higher goals. And to declare it out loud to each other only solidified our intent.
Can you imagine doing it too? What would this unlock in you? What new awareness and purpose might you discover? If I’ve peaked your interested, stay tuned for an opportunity to explore this further together. Until then, feel free to start writing that fantasy bio.